Inu Yasha Exposed
by Hikari Setsubo Kurayami
Summary: A collabortion between Kagirinai Yamiko and I. Inuyasha, in a whole new light, including yaoi comedy and complete and utter insanity. . .not to mention all of them are pretty OOC. Disclaimer: We don't own Inu Yasha
1. The Tale

Day One: The Tale of the Cock Sucker Well

Higurashi Kagome, a 15 year old student in present day Japan, one day was on her way to school when she was halted by her younger brother, Souta, complaining about how their overtly obese cat, Buyo, had gone into the sacred well house. Kagome, rather flustered at being stopped over such a trivial matter, made her way into the well house to be confronted by nothing but darkness. Her brother hiding behind her, she made her way down to where the well lay in wait when a furry thing rubbed against her leg. She let out a resounding, 'EEEEEK!' as Souta fell to the floor clutching at his heart. He cursed at his sister for nearly gaining him the title of, 'Earliest heart attack ever recorded.'

Kagome sighed when she realized that it was just her fat cat, and reached down to pick him up.

"See Souta? It's just Buyo, ya darn scaredy cat!"

Souta slowly lifted himself from the ground and dusted himself off.

"I knew that!" He proclaimed, puffing out his chest and closing his eyes for effect.

Kagome rolled her eyes and began to take a step toward her brother when she heard a big crash from behind her. Souta was suddenly on the floor again, mumbling incoherently and rather insanely as Kagome felt arms grab her from behind and drag her into the well.

"What the hell!" She screamed as she was turned around to see her kidnapper.

Much to her shock and utter dismay, it was a fluffy little cat, that looked much like Marie from the Aristocats.

"You have it, yes?" The kitty said in a very deep and demonic voice.

"Listen, kitten, I don't know what kind of drugs you are on or why you have such a manly voice, but get the fuck off of me!"

She pushed her hands against the kittens chest as a blue light erupted from her fingers. The blue light caused the kitten's soft pink sweater to explode and fall off of her.

"NOOOOOOO!" The kitten screamed in anguish.

It began to fall away from her, hurriedly trying to gather the pieces of her sweater.

"The power of the Mojo ball (not at all affiliated with the Shikon Jewel) will be MINE!"

Kagome shook her head at the cat's nonsense and softly landed on the floor below her.

"I must be inside of the Cock Sucker's Well."

She looked around and noticed that an elevator was conveniently placed at the side of the well.

"Wow, never noticed that feature before. . ."

Calm and collected, Kagome walked inside of the elevator and pressed the button that said, '_Honk if you love pussy. . . .cats._' and looked down at her pimped out Rolex as the elevator began to take her to her destination. A resounding _ping_ told her that she had safely survived the long journey from basement to first floor. The doors flew open and before her stood a young dog man.

"Jesus H. Christ, first I get kidnapped by a pussy, then a doggy bellhop greets me on the way out of the Cock Sucker's Well. Did I smoke too much herb this morning?"

"Um. . .Pussy? Cock Sucker? Herb?"

Kagome looked up into the young dog man's eyes.

"Woooow. . .You have pretty eeeeyyyyyeeeesss."

The dog boy stepped back a few steps in fright.

"What the hell is wrong with you!"

Kagome began to drool as she walked forward and jumped into his arms.

"What's your name?" She inquired in a dreamy voice that you would only hear in a cartoon.

". . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Inu Yasha. . ."

She made a face.

"Well, that is a silly name. Who the fuck would name their kid dog demon?"

Inu Yasha dropped her on the floor and gave her a kick in the side for good measure.

Kagome giggled and swooned.

"I love it when boys play rough."

"Uh, maybe I should take you to Kaede's to get you exorcised or something. You might be possessed."

"Where ever you wanna go baby, I'll follow."

Inu Yasha just stared at her blankly and turned around.

"Just follow me, and don't get any funny ideas!"

"Yes, master!"

He began to run ahead, just fast enough to keep away from this strange woman, but just slow enough so the dumb ass wouldn't get lost. Kagome trotted off behind him, completely forgetting about the mysterious Mojo Ball.


	2. Babes in Kaedeland

Day One (Still): Babes in Kaedeland

Inu Yasha slumped his way into town. How had the little human caught up to him? She was now on his back, going on and on about how beautiful his hair was.

He remembered looking back and seeing flames shooting out from the lunging girl's feet. Where had these flames come from? And why had he sensed an all too familiar power when he had seen them? It was like the past was coming back. . .

"Where is this lady's house anyway, Inu baby?"

". . . . . . .Just ahead, and I beg and implore you never to call me such a thing again." Inu Yasha said in an aristocratic manner.

"Ah, I see. . .is it the one that says '_XXX Kaede's Tavern XXX_'?"

"Yes."

Inu Yasha came upon said building and walked inside.

"Kaede? Are you in?"

"Of course I am Inu darling! Come, come, back to my room!"

Dropping Kagome to the floor on her toosh, Inu Yasha cautiously walked into Kaede's room.

When inside, he saw Kaede and some random guy on the bed, entangled in each other's limbs. Inu Yasha let out a very girly scream.

"What happened, Inu baby!" Kagome screamed as she trotted in.

What she saw before her was enough to make her both want to die. . .and want to continue living in full force. A young woman, of maybe early twenties, with long flowing grey hair and a patch covering one eye was laying before her. The man was nearly unnoticeable though.

"Hello NURSE!" Kagome shouted with glee.

"What the hell is wrong with this girl?" Inu Yasha mumbled to himself.

"Nurses aside, Inu Yasha, I have a mission for you." Kaede began.

"What is it now, ya old bat."

"Old bat!" Kagome began, "How can you say that to such a pure and angelic beauty!"

"Thank you, my dear. What is your name?"

"Higurashi Kagome!"

"Well, I can pencil you in for tomorrow night, okay?"

"Eh?"

Inu Yasha fell over.

"Okay, I need you to go recover a stolen artifact for me." Kaede began, waving off Kagome's stupidity.

"What is it?" Inu Yasha asked as he got up and dusted himself off, curiosity lighting his face.

"Come closer, dear child."

Inu Yasha raised a skeptical brow and leaned in to hear the young woman's secret.

"The golden thong." She whispered, though loud enough for everyone to hear.

"T-th. . . .THE WHAT!" Inu Yasha flew back against the wall, clawing at it for dear life.

He frantically inched along the wall and ran out the door, slamming it behind him.

Kaede sighed and whistled. Suddenly a young and very short fox demon approached her.

"Shippo my dear, it's time for damage control."

"Right." He nodded and walked out.

Shippo closed the door behind him and walked up to Inu Yasha, who was furiously trying to claw his way up a tree.

"Inu Yasha. . .calm down and sit next to Uncle Shippo."

Inu Yasha looked down onto the little Kitsune Youkai (fox demon).

"O-okay."

He slowly came down from the tree and sat next to '_Uncle_' Shippo.

"There, there, Inu Yasha." Shippo began, jumping up to pat him on the head, "We all had to do something like this for Mistress Kaede."

"Even you Uncle Shippo?" Inu Yasha asked with a child-like demeanor.

"Yes, even me. For me though. . .it was something far more dangerous."

"What was it?"

Shippo sighed in remembrance.

"The Copper Dildo."

Inu Yasha went bug-eyed.

"No way!"

"Yes. . .I will go with you, on your quest for the golden thong."

"You will!"

Shippo nodded.

"Yay! I thought I was going to die alone!"

"There will be no dying Inu Yasha, just success."

"Success?"

"Yes. Now let us get going."

Suddenly Kagome appeared before them.

"The pretty lady with the big boobs said I had to come with you!"

Inu Yasha's eyes widened in fear and he let out a shrill cry as he began to claw his way up the tree again.

"Damn it! And just when I got him down!"


End file.
